This was a deep reflection on my own sin and my own desires… My confession of sorts, but also my healing. I realize God not only tears our wounds open, but he also is our great physician, our healer.
Something triggers me. I feel proud and arrogant and rude. I know I’m right. I know I have the right method, the right process.
What is it that triggers me? Why does it do it every time? How can I let Christ defeat it and let Christ be my master and not this idol?
I talked with my wife and she noticed the same things. Whenever I don’t get my way on particular issue, when I know I’m right, I get VERY haughty, very arrogant. This is the same issue my dad faces and I think my siblings to a lesser extent struggle with it.
Whenever my intellect, or my knowledge, or my understanding is questioned, when people doubt I know anything, my mind races to OFFENSIVE mode. I DO KNOW. And in many instances I DO KNOW BETTER/MORE THAN YOU.
As my wife prayed for me, she directed me to the Pharisee and the Tax Collector of Luke 18. The tax collector recognizes that he is a nobody, in comparison to God’s holy character. And Jesus commends the tax collector as being going away justified whereas the Pharisee is left with his good works, but without the blessing of God. My wife says I am the Pharisee. I say I am the Pharisee.
The humility of the tax collector comes not in his inherent sins, but his recognizing how much higher God is above him. This recognition allows him to see himself not from how he compares with others, but how God views him. And he understands there is something utterly wrong with him. The pharisee doesn’t see this.
Luke 18 14″I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Why do I mask my insecurity with how smart I am? I am intellectual, I am wise… when you disrespect me or doubt my knowledge, I get very angry, almost to that point of murder that Jesus says on the Sermon on the Mount. This is my IDOL. I desire to look smart, look intelligent, so people don’t think I’m a nobody. Is it because I want to be somebody?
Christ says compared to God, I AM a nobody. But through Christ, he has made me Somebody. I am the son of the King. I have God as my Father and Christ as my brother. I am welcomed. I am justified. I am being sanctified. I am amongst a family of believers. I am part of the Body of Christ. My heart is being renewed. My lover is Christ.
1Corinthians 1: 26Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”
So what should I do when something like this happens? Turn to Christ. Recognize my identity is in Christ not in my suggestions and not in my being approved.
What if someone is TRULY wrong? Speak the truth in love, then encourage them, teach them, and wait patiently as the Lord has waited patiently with you.
What if I REALLY NEED to get something done? You can only do what you are responsible for. You cannot be responsible for the response of others. You can speak the truth in love, encourage, teach, and wait patiently as the Lord has waited patiently with you. Pray for them, let them know that you love them, but believe there is a better way. Gently persuade them.
Do not be arrogant, because you are no better than them in God’s eyes. God may have given you a gift (this is His grace to you), but you are to use these gifts for the edification of the body, not to tear others down and make yourself look right/good. You are not special in and of yourself. You have been made special by the One who calls you special.
Oh Christ, be exalted in my life. That You may increase and i may decrease.
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Follow up response:
I think this is why Paul and pretty much the rest of the bible calls us to be thankful. Be grateful. Because life is a gift from God, we have been saved not because of anything we have done, but because HE was gracious to us. We have no reason, we have no basis to be arrogant, to boast, to brag. We have nothing apart from Christ.
So give thanks. I want you to be a person of faith, a person of joy, and a person of thanksgiving.